Fuck Bonnie (07.08.2003 - 16:54)
Ooooh, such a lot of stuff to write. Well, where to start? Guess I'll start with last thursday, one week ago today. Bonnie said, and I quote:
Bonnie says: it sounds fucked
Bonnie says: but maybe you should just kill yourself
Bonnie says: and im not being nasty here
Bonnie says: im being honest
This pissed me off and upset me, so I said goodbye and signed out of msn. She then ended up ringing an ambulance, 2 ambulances and 3 police cars arrived, and I was drunk. They arrested me under section 136 of the mental health act, and ended up putting me in a cell for 9 hours because the hospital wouldn't asess me while I was drunk. Then when I finally got to speak to a psychiatrist, she wanted to section me. After 2 hours of persuading them I could be let to go home safely I was released. Then I returned home to find Bonnie calling me selfish, pathetic and fucked up. So that was a nice day.
Then on tuesday I had no electricity for 15 hours because the electricity company are fucking useless. After discovering that despite there being no electricity since 4am, they weren't sending anyone out until 2pm, I went to the pub. I got drunk, then I went to meet a lass called Niccy, who turned out to be not only lovely but also gorgeous. We ended up hugging and kissing for 4 hours which was nice. Then I returned home to find all the food in the freezer had thawed.
Yesterday was my 19th birthday. I and 6 of my friends had planned to network our computers and play games for a laugh. After buying some network cables with the last of my birthday money, it emerged that not one of the could make it any more. So I spent the day on my own, unable to go to the pub because I had no money, and with nothing to do feeling very let down. Bonnie told me to stop feeling sorry for myself, and then became disillusioned as to why I got angry.
Today I arranged to meet Niccy again on Saturday and I'm looking forward to that. Bonnie started complaining about her mother always moaning at her, and how bad everything is. I told her "well if I was you I'd say stop feeling sorry for yourself". She became angry, told me she hates me and to go and die. Again. So as of today I'm no longer going to talk to that ungrateful little immature bitch. I cared about her, and shes managed to kill every last drop of compassion I had for her. She is her own fucking problem, noone else. She needs to fucking grow up, realise that she's been using people, that people don't treat her as bad as she thinks they do. I hope she enjoys her life with her new boyfriend, I just feel sorry for him if she treats him anything like she treated me.
Am I really as bad as she makes out? Or was I really just a really nice boyfriend who tried his best and always thought he wasn't doing well enough because she made me feel like shit? Whatever, what she does, and what happens to her no longer concerns me. Just incase she's reading this, I've realised something. It wasn't that I didn't want a relationship that I broke up with you. It was because I didn't want a relationship with you. A largely one-sided affair which drain all my fucking caring for you.
To top today off, my name and address were printed in a local paper in the write up of the inquest into my friend Garys suicide. Stupid fucking cunt reporters. What the fuck is the need to print my name and fucking address? This shit fucking sucks.