Confused and lonely (06.10.2003 - 03:21)
I'm so damn confused with my own fucking feelings. I mean what if I'm wrong about Bonnie lying to me for 7 months? I threw away something great if that's the case. I'm probably not wrong, but I could be. And despite that I still miss her, I think it's the having someone you love and care about lying next to you when you fall asleep, and there in your arms when you wake up that I miss. I'm not gonna have that again, certainly for many years, and even then it wont be the same will it? I miss that so much.
I'm lonely too, none of my friends ever come to see me, and most of them live either too far away for me to visit, or I don't know their addresses. And to be honest I don't know many of them well enough to think I'd be welcome to go round. And most of them are at university now anyway.
I'm broke, lonely, and upset. It's a lovely combination. I don't think any of the people I'm "friends" with really like me anyway. I can't say I blame them, I'm a moaning depressing cunt. Grrr my heads a mess, I don't even know what I want anymore :/