Grim determination (09.10.2003 - 22:31)
Well I'm starting to get things sorted out - took out a consolidation loan with the bank to pay off my overdraft... at the same bank. Sounds stupid but it stops them getting a debt collection agency onto me and from referring me to the credit reference agency. I'm having to sell my PC and Minidisc Player to pay off the loan, hopefully my brother is gonna be interested in buying them off me so that's good. I got details for several jobs that I'm applying for, and actually had an interview with one of them today, however I hadn't slept all night and fell asleep 2 hours before I was meant to be there. And missed it :/ But I arranged to go tomorrow at 11am.
Trying my hardest to stay positive and focus but it's proving to be fucking difficult. Managing so far, but it really is a strain, and there's a constant nagging feeling telling me to give up. I'll be fucked if I'm going to give in though. I need a job, I need to get my debts sorted out, and I need to have something to do during the day, something to distract me and earn me money to support myself comfortably. Bonnie, Joanna, Niccy - they can all stay out of my head for the moment. I don't have time to be beating myself up over them, and thinking "what if?" and suchlike. Just gotta keep my head down and get this fucking mess straightened out.
Could really really do with a smoke right now, I have no tobacco and no money till a week tomorrow. It's not looking good heh, and that certainly won't help matters. Anyways, wish me luck people, cos I don't think grim determination alone will get me through this.