Nothing I can do (08.10.2003 - 00:18)
I've just been sitting and thinking all night. Fuck all else to do. I was just looking at some pictures my dad took a while ago and now I can't stop crying. Talk about a fucking fool, I'm the definition of one, and I just don't know what to do.
There is nothing I can do, I can never have Bonnie back now. Not after the stupid things I've said, stupid things I've done, and now she's settled where she is. She has friends, and a boyfriend. She's probably a lot happier than she was when she was with me, and I can never have her back. And I really don't want anyone else, so what am I supposed to do? Be single I suppose, but I'm lonely enough as it is. I have no real friends, the only ones I do have never come to see me and they don't like me much from what I can tell. The only time I see anyone is when I go to the pub with them, and I can only do that when I have money, which is almost never. So instead I sit here on my own, each and every fucking day and feel like shit, missing the past and regretting my actions. Even when I get a job it's not going to be any better, I'm still not gonna have any proper friends. My proper friends are all at uni and when they aren't they all have girlfriends that they spend all of their free time with. I feel so alone, and I can do nothing about it.