Comfort in being sad? (12.04.2003 - 2:20 a.m.)
Can you find comfort in being depressed? I believe you probably can. I know myself that I did for many years. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't just making myself depressed, I was truely depressed, but I sometimes felt that at least things couldn't get much worse. That at least I wasn't happy, so there was no possibility of that being taken away from me. Without happiness life sucks, but there was a greater sense of security in the fact that I wasn't going to be suddenly more depressed for any reason.
Now of course I'm happy, and I'm glad for it. I realise now and I guess I've always known, that you have to take risks otherwise your life will be pointless to live. I took a risk with Bonnie and I'm more glad about doing that than I am about anything else I've ever acheived in my life. Things worked out great for me and Bonnie, and for the first time in my life I feel happiness that I know isn't going to be suddenly taken away from me.
On a bit of a tangent, one of Nirvanas lyrics from a song the name of which I can't recall, is "I miss the comfort in being sad". I remember when I was going out with a girl called Joanna listening to this song and thinking how true it was. I understand how Kurt Cobain must have felt, it was obvious he wasn't truly in love with Courtney Love, just as I wasn't truly in love with Joanna. But now I'm with Bonnie, for the first time that song bears no relevance to my life. I am so certain I was destined to be with Bonnie I could never doubt my happiness nor my love.