Tired rambling (19.04.2003 - 5:02 a.m.)
I haven't been able to sleep so far tonight, been too cold and restless, but I feel shattered. We only have one single duvet that hasn't got cat piss on it at the moment and of course I let Bonnie have it (what kind of guy would I be otherwise?), so it isn't that warm in the bedroom.
I feel like my face has no muscular structure. I feel like the skin could fall to the floor and leave a bare exposed skull with nothing to hide it's shame. The bones grinding as the jaw moves without muscles to move it.
My knee keeps dislocating or something that causes excruciating pain. I think the tendon sometimes slips into the joint and becomes trapped between the hard unfeeling bones, only to be torn out again upon straightening the leg, pulling and scratching it as it tries to escape from the brittle grasp of the bones.
Excuse the weirdness of this entry, I'm not feeling entirely conscious. Like drifting between reality and some kind of sick and twisted, sadomasochistic fantasy. The pain hurting but not being real, like electrodes piercing your skull and making contact with your brain, faking electrical impulses that indicate the pain of something piercing your skin like a fragile daisy cut down by the rapid gyration of a spindle of polymer wire. The roaring of exploding organic compounds within tiny chambers, causing sudden expansion and increasing volume, only to be pushed out again the the reciprocal motion and expelled into the unforgiving vast expanse of the atmosphere, to mingle and become one with everything, recycle and become an insect.
I should stop my ramblings.