Amazed... and fuck christmas (11.12.2003 - 07:51)
Every now and then I see a ray of hope that there might be a purpose in this life. And by every now and then I mean like, maybe 5 times ever... so yeah, pretty infrequently. But I dunno... tonight I was just amazed by someone.
With recent events and such I haven't really been expecting the best from people, and I was just taken a back that there are actually really decent people out there... albeit few and far between. But maybe there is hope for me yet heh, maybe one day I'll muster the motivation I need to actually make something of myself, instead of being a fuck up and a failure.
It's strange really... I was in a really, unbelievably bad mood earlier, I felt utterly shit. But now, ok I still feel crap heh, but I do feel a lot happier (comparatively at least). I'm really not looking forward to christmas though, because I know how much that's going to get me down. There's an almost 100% chance I'll be spending it on my own, which is always fun... maybe I'll just sleep through it, there won't be any presents to get up for heh.
I remember going to a christmas party when I was 8 or 9 with my father. It was an all night thing, everyone (and most of them were alcoholics to be fair) was off their faces, and then they all crashed out somewhere or another. No idea where my father got to, but I remember watching kids tv at 6am. Well there was a pointless memory. Anyways, will be glad when the "festivities" are over.
Addition - that lass admitted she was lying. My trust in women just keeps getting boosted doesn't it?